Yesterday, I told my counseller about the rapes.
Today, I feel fucking hideous. My skin is crawling. I want to take it all back. I want to deny it. I want to pretend everything is fine. I don't feel valid enough. Because I knew my 'attacker', because I was indoors, 'amongst friends', because I didn't get bruised and beaten, because I can't remember all the details, because I didn't lock the door, because I didn't scream, because I didn't run, because I didn't fight back...
I just numbed it out. My body froze. My head went off somewhere else. I can't connect myself to it. I feel like I'm in the middle of a play, a fantasy, a lie...
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