So you did your best and faced such music as anyone cared to play

So... It's been forever since I updated, it's hard to know where to start.

I ended up in hospital after drinking a litre of gin and becoming hysterical and suicidal. I saw someone from the booze bigrade who said they would be in touch with me but never did. I managed to get myself back to a somewhat normal state by using my PRN Diazepam everytime I felt like I needed a drink. I haven't drunk on my own for a couple of weeks now, I also haven't self-harmed either.

In the midst of all this it became apparant that I wouldn't find anywhere to live in Leicester anytime soon and that whilst I was living back with my parents I needed to go back under the Nun CMHT. I was told I could go to the day hospital, and then told that I didn't fit the criteria. At the minute I have seen my old CPN, who I don't particularly get on with, and she is going to be my care-co again. She said she would refer me to psychology, but she keeps going on about me repeating DBT and I am really not impressed by that. She is leaving in a couple of months though so I will have someone new. Hopefully. There has been no mention of seeing a psychiatrist but for the most part I am happy to be on the medication that I am on.

I have finished rape counselling and feel like I have gone as far as I can at the moment, although I know I have barely scratched the surface. I know I need to go deeper. To heal. Because I don't feel healed. Although I feel a little less...heavy. I am wondering if there is a crisis centre here in Nun or maybe Coventry. I know when the summer comes around I won't be able to cope...

I have spent the last week with a good friend, travelling around the country stalking Tim Minchin. It's been amazing. That's all I can think of to describe it. AMAZING.

This will be my third Christmas in recovery from anorexia and I'm having THREE meals in as many days and I'm freaking out about it a little bit. I am also having a lot of chatter in my head about going on 'a diet' in the New Year and losing as much weight as possible. I am sick of being fat and obese. I just want to be thinner...

Anyway, that's about it, Happy Christmas everyone, I love you a lot and appreciate your support.