Monday, 6 December 2010

Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories

"Blow, blow, thou winter wind
Thou art not so unkind,
As man's ingratitude."
- William Shakespeare

I have the most vivid memory of winter. Back in 2005. I don't remember much of that year. I went to the EDU at the begining of November and wasn't allowed outside for over a month. I remember the first time that I went outside. It was freezing. Obviously, we had to wear as much clothing as possible. But it was still freezing. I can remember walking through the grounds. I can remember how it felt to have that little taste of freedom. Wanting more. I remember feeling completely alive and connected. In that one moment.

I wish I could experiance the world like that again.

1 comment:

  1. *breaths*
    I just wrote a really long post.

    I remember, being IP (for Anorexia) the first time and being allowed out, unsupervised. I went in late September and by this time the seasons had changed.
    I was taking a friend for an ED assessment. I remember the woman interviewing her asking me if I was too, Anorexic. I answered very contently, yes, but please don't worry I am getting help and getting better.
    I remember the utter feeling of dismay as my friend climbed into her fathers car. She looked so thin and fragile.
    I walked down the street, agreeing to meet my father there.
    The rain came down.
    I lifted my head to the sky. It felt like a sprinkler system on my face.
    I smiled and laughed and splashed in the puddles.
    I remember feeling so happy, alive, connected and I didn't want to get in the car.
    I felt free.

    This winter. About a week ago. The snow fell, and fell. I stuck my pink wellies on, grabbed my camera and went out.
    I felt alive.
    Connected to nature, animals, the world, my environment, and MYSELF.
    It was the first time since seeing my girlfriend back in September. She always has a way of making me feel in touch.
    But this wasn't about another person doing it (which is great too) it was about ME doing this for MYSELF.
    My point, this will happen again Em.
    I have been to hell and back recently and never thought this would happen again.
    It will.
    Just, believe xxxxx