I don't think I can get through another summer without turning to self-destruction. The anxiety is already high, frequently dissociating, hypersensitive to every person in the street, everyone is a threat, intrusive thoughts and memories and noice and images...The fact that I've been going to crisis and the whole situation with being made aware of his situation with his kid and social servces investigation makes me more aware of things.
My head's already running away with itself and without all the ways I usual cope with it 'inactive' I just feel completely overwhelmed and fragile and that's the very last thing I want to be. I want to be tough and hard and cold and strong and numb.
I just want to fucking forget about it and every year that goes past only seems to make me remember it more clearly than ever.
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