Sunday, 1 January 2012

No one ever gets to me

So, a positive start to 2012...

I went for a walk around where I live last night in the dark on my own. That's the first time I've managed to do it here in probably years. I'm fine walking around places I don't live but walking around here is just so anxiety provoking, the fear that he may follow me and find out where I live, even though he's atleast a town away. I feel really pleased with myself. I did it and I didn't freak out about it.

I think slowly the things I learnt or talked through in counselling are becoming a part of my daily life. I spent so much time thinking that it didn't make any difference because I didn't have a kind of epiphany moment and it was such slow going but just little things that I've talked about and got out of me do make a difference and I think I need to remember that when things get tough.

I know I need more support, or therapy, or somewhere that I can talk about things in more detail, because I'm not sure I can survive the summer without it but right now I'm making it through the days fairly easily.

It's not the first thing that I think about. I don't have flashbacks or nightmares very often and when I do I don't drink or hurt myself because of them and I have dissociated in ages. I feel like I've healed a little bit.

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