So, I guess I should update...I've been in hospital. I went to A&E in a state, decided I needed to be admitted to psych but there were no beds so I had to stay in the A&E ward until one became available, I was there a couple of days and I caught chicken pox so couldn't be moved because of infectiousness and then I got Septicemia in one of my cuts so I was hooked up to drips and things. I had to wait until I was medically fit before I could move to psych and I moved last Saturday.
The psychiatrist is the one that I saw in the summer the last time I was in there, the same twat who takes me off half my meds, nurses that won't give out PRN's until you're literally in pieces.
Friday night I had a fight with another patient, threw a tray of tea everywhere, cried a lot, swore a lot, and so they thought it would be good if I came home for the weekend to get a 'break' from it all.
It's not a supportive enviroment, people are trying to piss people off, or telling tales, it's driving me mad!
I feel a lot better in myself, I don't feel suicidal and the Septicemia thing has really scared me away from self harming. I don't want to do it ever again. My anxiety is really high and I'm seeing shadows but I don't want to bring it up because I don't want to stay on that ward a second longer. I'd rather bring it up with my own psych.
I have a therapy assesment tomorrow with my old therapist. I'm scared but hopeful.
This is probably the last thing you want to hear...
ReplyDeleteBut you are blessed that they take you in.
I have never been admitted showing up in A&E
I have then been taken privately and admitted.
So there is some blessing there.
Also, I wonder how that dichotomy sits in your head.
Feeling you don't deserve anything and hurting yourself to a point you get ill on the one hand.
And the other being about willingly going to A&E to be helped.
It must make for a challenging thought process.
I truly hope things start to improve angel <3