Wednesday, 7 March 2012

I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe

Today I went to the day hospital for the first time. It seems to be pretty much the same as it was when I went last time only with a lot more 'clients', the nurses and the structure haven't changed much. Today's group was on anxiety and I found it quite useful. I'm going three days a week for six weeks.

Afterwards, I went back to the hospital for ward rouind and... I'VE BEEN DISCHARGED! On the one hand I am really happy about it, on the other I am a little sad that I won't get to see the psychiatrist again because I really started to like her a lot, despite our 'history', she talks to you as if you're on the same level if you know what I mean. But I'm really, really glad that I don't have to go back to the hospital again.

I've come off Haloperidol completely now and I'm feeling really good about that. I haven't taken any in nearly a month and things seem to be under control on that front, and I think my mood has improved because I have more energy when I don't take it. I'm still being pescribed Zopiclone but I haven't taken any in over a week and I'm sleeping fine most of the time. I'm still taking Seroquel, Lamictal Mirtazapine and Paroxetine.

Tomorrow I am going to see my (new) CPN, I am hoping that she will have heard back from my therapy assesment by now. I am going to try and tell her about the abuse related anxiety I'm experiencing, and that sometimes I feel really unsafe during the night and end up sitting in the dark shaking. This is something that I feel like I need to work on, and something that I feel ready to work on, I want to prepare myself for the summer as best as I can and maybe if I tackle some of this stuff now before it gets to anniversary time then it'll give me a better chance at coping. This is why I am really hoping that she'd heard back from therapy.

Today is 40 days since I last self-harmed or drank. Overall I am feeling really positive. Some things are still really tough but I want to fight through those times, instead of wanting to run away and escape them. I am feeling rather inspired right now.

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