Loser. Liar. Faker. Phoney.

It took me three hours to work up the courage to go to bed last night. I wouldn't take my meds or turn the TV or the light off. The thought of being asleep made me want to cry. I feel so vulnerable right now. I have so much hatred inside me. Anger. Shame. Fear. Guilt. Everytime I close my eyes I can see the word WHORE as plainly as if it was burned onto my brain. I can't escape it. It hurts so much. To feel like a piece of meat. To feel like an attention seeking LIAR. Sometimes I am so convinced I've made this shit up. Or that it's somehow a way of cleansing myself from the reality of being a SLUT.