Thursday, 16 June 2011

Colour my life with the chaos of trouble

So I saw my CPN yesterday
It was a good session
I'm starting to like her a lot more
But she said she had no idea what my 'absenses' were about
Because she's never heard of it before
And said that I should go and get tested for epilepsy
I already have been ages ago and I was fine
I don't think she understands dissociation very well
I can't see another psychiatrist because she said that they're all men and that he is the 'easiest to talk to'
I rolled my eyes a bit and she said 'I know' so atleast I know that it's not just me
Things are still really bad
I have no interest at all in stopping self-harming
I don't give a shit about that right now
I had to go to the nurse to get my stitches out
I'd lost or picked out a lot of them and she asked me how many there were orginally
I told her xx
She said oh my god in a ridiculously dramatic way
As if she'd never heard of such a thing before
At the same time I had an hour fresh burn on my wrist
That she never even asked about
Either my self-harm is serious
Or not
Every time I have ever had stitches out
I've wanted to seriously fuck myself up straight after
The memories and numbness and images keep overwhelming me
I'm getting scared of the dark again
I don't know what to do
I don't think I'm very good at explaining myself
Or something...

1 comment:

  1. Em {{{hugs}}
    I give a shit that you are self harming again.
    I care a lot.
    As for the dissociation - you will be surprised how few do know even what it is, let alone understand it.

    As for epilepsy, yes, many are tested for it.
    I was back in 2003.
    It is maybe worth it for doing its sake, but I highly doubt that it is that.

    Please try to take care xxxx