Thursday, 30 June 2011

Tattooed on a criminal's arm

I asked my home CPN to see me but it's not till next week
I don't feel depressed as such
But I have lots of these suicidal fantasies
Especially drowning
I've become completely fixated on the idea of it
Everything feels strange
Looks strange
The world isn't right
Reality is all wrong
I know the sensations of bugs aren't real
I do know that
And that the white noise and black dust isn't real either
But it's still hard to get past the fear of it
And the dissociation is awful
All I can do to get back in touch is burn or cut
I should go to rape crisis tomorrow
I don't know if I should
I've missed one week already
It's just a big blur
I get scared and feel sick and get flashes of moments but that's it
Then I get awful flashbacks of things that I don't think really happened
I don't know what to do
I don't know how to speak out about it
I don't think anyone would listen anyway

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