Friday, 1 July 2011

Play me a song to set me free

I managed to make it into town for my session and then when I got there
I found out it had been cancelled
It was such an effort that afterwards I felt so bad
I went to the GP's to see if I could make an appointment but nothing's free till next week

So I left it
On the way I home I had an awful flashback of an horrific acid trip I had years and years ago
Now I am too scared to even move
I just want to curl up under the covers and die
I'm blaming myself for everything
For being drunk
For not fighting back
For not screaming out
But when it was happening I was just paralyzed and I couldn't do anything
I couldn't even say no
I can't even remember it consiously
Just in flashbacks that I don't really believe
The noise in my head is unbearable
I cut to get the bugs out of my skin
But it just starts again
I don't want to eat
I want to starve to death
I want to lose 100lbs
I want to be skinny again
I am obese and ugly and disgusting
I just want to disappear
I want to trust the way that I see the world
To feel connected
To feel like I exist
I just want it to stop

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