Sunday, 11 September 2011

Farewell the tranquil mind; farewell content!

Out of the blue my counseller told me that we only have three sessions left. I only started talking about the rapes last week. How am I meant to deal with all of this on my own. I feel so awful. Like I shouldn't have talked. Like now I've told them 'my story' they don't think it was bad enough to get their support. Like they think I'm an attention-seeking liar. A slut. Slut slut drunken slut. I knew all along that it was time limited. That I only had six months. But it's taken me nearly all of that to get to a place where I can talk and now it's all over.

That night I got very, very drunk and saw people coming out of the tele, thankfully I was with a friend who understands and calmed me down enough to go to sleep.

Yesterday I slept the whole day feeling more depressed and anxious than I've done since before the hospital.

Inside I'm not coping, outside I am fighting to keep it all together.

I feel lost. So lost.

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