I know that I don't HAVE to press charges but I've been made to feel guilty about the consequences for others if I let it go. But then, that doesn't really mean much because I know that I could give a name and address and a full description and it would still never come to anything because no-one would believe ME...

I can't move into my place at Leicester till 1st Sept...

Things between me and my Dad have got violent before, but it's okay and we sort of burn ourselves out. I am terrified of talking even here because I don't want to be judged and hated, a certain someone has already accused me of being rude to my parents... But basically, the crisis team, the police and my parents were trying to pyhsically restrain me and I lashed out. I hate myself for it truly but I was already in such a fucking state with everything that went on...

It's alright here but it's not like being in a hospital or something where you simply don't have the option to do bad shit to yourself... I could do bad shit but if I get caught I get kicked out so it's all about me resisting the urges (which are immense since I got my sttiches out this morning)

I'm finding it so hard to stay in the present, everytime I stop concentrating my head floats around all over the place, I'm back to being a kid and all the shit that went down with my Grandad and * and it's hard to just stay focused on what's going on now, especially as that in itself is such a fucking mess and really painful...

I can't seem to find my voice at all right now.