Monday, 7 February 2011

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow

"Breathe, keep breathing
Don't lose your nerve
Breathe, keep breathing
I can't do this alone"

- Exit Music (For A Film) by Radiohead

My flatmate is waiting to be admitted to hospital for her ED and I'm not feeling too great about the whole thing... Lots of fucked up thoughts and memories and triggers that have come to the surface pretty much instantly that I just can't shake off, and I'm fucking trying to get rid of them with every trick in the book.
I should be stronger than this, better than this, above this, over this, unaffected... I should not be feeling or thinking half the shit that's going through my head right now, even if they're just thoughts, it's chaotic and distorted and just feels wrong and awful.

I'm fighting so hard to not let it break me, to stop thinking stupid fucked up crap, it's hard. It's so.fucking.hard!

1 comment:

  1. But Em, HOSPITAL!!
    That is the reality of an eating disorder.
    That her life has come to this.
    The fall walls of a treatment center when she could be living.
    You are learning to live.
    YOU are learning to LIVE.
    She hasn't mastered that.
    And she needs to.
    Offer support, advice, a "I've been there" for her.
    Use the energy and issues this is producing, productively not destructively xxxx