Thursday, 13 January 2011

Stars, hold your fire!

"It was worth a wound; it was worth many wounds; to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation."
- Sherlock Holmes

I'm really, really struggling to keep things in perspective right now, my mood has suddenly started shooting off up and I'm starting to lose myself a little bit in the happy haze. I feel good, great, positive, full of life, but I feel so much more anxious and stressed out and exhausted because of it. I'm not sleeping great but I've gone past the point of being tired and now I'm just fucking wired and hypersenstive and alert, which considering I was already anxious as fuck isn't great. I feel like I need to reign myself in a bit, stop making so many plans, slow down, but at the same time I don't want to fall right back down into feeling shit all the time. I just.can't.relax. I want to go off and do all of these exciting things but I still can't get out of the flat or hold a conversation with someone most days without freaking out. Noises, crowds, people, etc etc etc. It's a bit of a sick joke, really, the depression lifts and anxiety kicks you in the teeth.

1 comment:

  1. I do know. And I am sorry you are having to deal with such instability.
    Take care xxxx