Friday, 25 June 2010
No-one ever said it was easy, no-one ever said it would be this hard
It’s been a month yesterday since I started going swimming and trying to lose weight through healthy eating. There have been times when it’s got too intense, times when I have slipped up and times when I could feel myself thinking disorderly but overall I feel quite proud of myself. This week I have finally been able to cut back on swimming every day and aim for 3-4 times a week instead. My intake dropped a little too low for awhile but I’ve built it back up to 1300-1500 calories and feel fairly safe eating that amount now. I feel slightly frustrated that the weight loss has slowed down but I think my ‘fat’ is turning to muscle and my shape is changing so that’s good. I am not going to be a slave to a tape measure or a scale though. This was always going to be fucking hard, especially with the external triggers from my mum’s weight loss and I guess I still struggle with that but I have to keep telling myself that I AM ME. I am doing this for me so that I can feel fit and healthy and ready for the next round of university. I want to be completely free of binging and purging by October, there is no way I am going to move in with my friends and have that be an issue. IT DOESN’T HELP!!! Every day is a fight, in a way I feel like I’ve gone right back to the beginning of recovery, but in a way I guess I have.
I am trying SO HARD not to be eating disordered. SO MOTHERFUCKING HARD!!!
I am proud of what I have achieved this month and it is good enough.
I AM DOING ENOUGH.
Oh, I went to pick my new kitten, she's called Tilly and she's beautiful and I can't wait until she's here!