I have never, ever, in years of reading, listening and watching felt such a fucking connection with something. This is that it's like, this is exactly what it's like, and it fucking hurts and I'm crying and feeling all the things I don't wanna feel, that I've been trying to push away since Monday... This is me, will this always be me? I've failed as a daughter, a sister, an auntie, a friend, a girlfriend, a person... And I never did anything wrong, I never did, shit just happened and made me this way. People made me this way. My grandfather, my sister, my ex... I never used to be this way. I was happy, I loved live, I loved people and trusted people and didn't piss them off or make them hate me. People liked me and I felt liked. I knew who I was. If I was sad I'd cry and if I was happy I'd laugh. I am so fucking angry that this has happened to me, because I swear to fucking God I would rather have ANY pyschiatric condition under the sun than BPD. For a long time I've felt it was the stigma, but now I know it's not just that, it's eveything. How it feels, day after day, to live like this.
I want to be who I used to be.