Friday, 25 June 2010

Welcome to my world

I don't know how to embed this but I would urge everybody to watch it immediately

I have never, ever, in years of reading, listening and watching felt such a fucking connection with something. This is that it's like, this is exactly what it's like, and it fucking hurts and I'm crying and feeling all the things I don't wanna feel, that I've been trying to push away since Monday... This is me, will this always be me? I've failed as a daughter, a sister, an auntie, a friend, a girlfriend, a person... And I never did anything wrong, I never did, shit just happened and made me this way. People made me this way. My grandfather, my sister, my ex... I never used to be this way. I was happy, I loved live, I loved people and trusted people and didn't piss them off or make them hate me. People liked me and I felt liked. I knew who I was. If I was sad I'd cry and if I was happy I'd laugh. I am so fucking angry that this has happened to me, because I swear to fucking God I would rather have ANY pyschiatric condition under the sun than BPD. For a long time I've felt it was the stigma, but now I know it's not just that, it's eveything. How it feels, day after day, to live like this.

I want to be who I used to be.


  1. I get it. That's all I can really say, but I get it Em.

    x x

  2. You have not failed Emma.
    And I am going to be totally honest here, so please excuse that.
    You don't want people to see you, treat you, as someone with BPD and only a diagnosis.
    You need to stop seeing yourself as only BPD.

    I was diagnosed 7 years ago.
    I get it.
    I do.

    But the day I stopped seeing myself as "it" I got better.

    Stop seeing yourself as a disease.
    The thing about BPD is that the diagnosis itself routes blame in the person, the sufferer.
    It says you are born this way, it is part of your make up.
    That isn't helpful.
    I can recommend books. Ones that actually help, not ones that just talk about the disease.
    You are not BPD, you are Emma.
    See yourself as Emma.
    Please, this whole BPD thing, let it go.
    Sometimes (like this video) relating isn't helpful. It is more about this is how I am than how to help.
    Read these:



    They will help you, and move you forward, that I know xxxx